There are a variety of factors that can influence whether you will be able to have an orgasm alone or with a partner. Here are a couple of ideas to start:
1. Being able to orgasm requires being able to relax or surrender to the experience of sexual pleasure. If you are finding that you are stressed, constantly worried about what's happening during sex, or simply unable to focus on your experience, it will be difficult to have an orgasm.
>>Therapy can be a great option to work through some of these blocks.
2. Partnered activity requires inherent vulnerability because we’re engaged in sex with a partner. You need to feel safe and secure with a partner to be able to trust and relax enough to have orgasm.
>>You might take things slow, and start by getting comfortable with a partner before jumping in the sac.
3. If you are relatively new to your partner or don't have a lot of experience with sexual communication, it can be difficult for your partner to learn exactly feels good and is most successful in making you experience orgasm.
>>Practice building communication skills by telling them about non-sexual touch that you like or dislike.
4. If you are engaged in penetrative intercourse, you may not be receiving enough direct clitoral stimulation. The majority of people with vulvas require direct contact with the clitoris to experience orgasm. Many penetrative sexual positions do not adequately stimulate the clitoris sufficiently.
>>Two possible positions that may allow for more direct stimulation include ‘cowgirl’ or missionary with a focus on pelvic rocking over thrusting. Another great option is adding manual stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse – with either your or your partners’ hand.
5. Sometimes more intense stimulation is required, such as the use of vibration to ‘cross the threshold’ to orgasm. This is perfectly ok and doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.
>>Vibration can be successfully integrated into intercourse and other kinds of partnered sexual play with a variety of sexual toys. Check out Dr. Walker’s Toybox over at Sensuale for some ideas.
Disclaimer: The content offered in this blog is the content of Dr. Lauren Walker. Answers to questions are not exhaustive and are offered as potential ideas to begin to address sexual questions and concerns. The answers are not meant to replace medical advice or psychotherapy, and are included for educational and entertainment purposes.
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